Dream a little dream

This is the tenth day for my permanent time job in life. Though Carrie said it seems that I’ve worked there for one year, not one week.

I brought my desktop calendar back to office, and started filling it up with pens of different color. I’m shocked to know that the schedule is very tight. It’s already running out of time when I’m still adapting the new environment and new colleagues. Having to attend technical meeting in outside venue on the first day of work, I just got two hours to investigate in every details of the projects lying ahead, checked up the equipment we got in order to design live sound system for May’s event. Days after I participated in a meeting with all the staff and the chairman of the directors’ board, about organization’s future and strategic plans. Another production meeting yesterday for three concerts in May and three large concerts in August. The possibility of working as sound operator in these concerts is very high, while the size of venue is so big that I don’t have enough experience. On the other hand I need to hand in editing for one song this week, another nine songs in May. Recording of two songs to go, and still waiting for music and lyrics. Mixing and mastering will start in early June… many more.

I’m stressed and depressed, wandering if I really got abilities in handling all these things.

Glad that I work well with colleagues. We don’t need to explain a lot when talking about CCM (contemporary Christian music) and projects on hand, cause we have been working in these stuff for years in different places. It seems we have been working together for so long. I got that feeling when I first meet another close working partner of mine since last summer. I love the feeling that all people are all ready to cooperate with each other, having mutual trust and expectation on each other.

Year ago, I start to think about one question: is it too late to start a new career in age 28? Especially the industry I’m working in is greatly affected by age, for our hearing ability keeps dropping when we get old. Am I too old to pick up new challenges, while I’m not a people with great ambitions and goals?

I got an answer from my Lord: “Never too late!”

Don’t look back! Lift all the burdens, sad and bad experience to Him. He won’t erase my memories like Lacuna Inc., but help me to get through. He may not change the surroundings, but definitely will encourage me and lead me to grow inside – this is much aggressive than stay and wait for outside changes!

I’m still the little girl standing in the corner, afraid of the road ahead, being fragile and weak.

Tuesday night, after returning home from Frontline practice, I was really tired. I shed tears. I got some space and time to handle my emotion. I told my Lord that I was weak. I was lost. I needed to be padded and hugged by love ones. I needed my Lord telling me, “It’s okay, I’m in charge!”

I listened to CCM all night long. Weeks ago I’ve suspected that am I involving too much in CCM? I’m working fulltime in a CCM organization as engineer, supervise the studio and assist in music productions, events and outings. I work as freelance engineer in Steven’s studio, while booking is confirmed for the whole year already. I’m starting a company about CCM, and need to build a well established sophisticated website. Apart from work, I involve greatly in Frontline, as a singer and core member, developing several projects simultaneously. My business partner said I would be much happier if I reduce some workloads. However, when I’m back into CCM, back into music, back into the deep meaning of the lyrics and melodies, I felt that I was relieved immediately. I’m lucky that there’re many people working hard in CCM throughout the years, and become my encouragement on the road. No matter they are still involved in the music scene, their works never fade. This is my BELIEF!!!

I slept in God’s peace.

I’m glad that friends surrounding are willing to accept a fragile and emotional me. They keep reminding me not to burnout. Some friends keep teasing on me about unimportant but funny stuff, to make me laugh everyday. Some friends talk with me about their dreams, their plans, their lives, their worries, their happiness, and their vacation plans. Though we’re living our own lives in different timezones, working in different industries, we’re connected by love and care, even we’re separated by the Pacific Ocean. I thank God for having all of you, being loved and having chance to encourage and love each other.

Be strong, and take courage, for He is sufficient and loving from day one till eternity.

Amen!